Letter to Linus: A Hypercube
off language like an obsolete friendship? Don’t they wonder why their government is bombing its own country?
There are no credible studies suggesting that pinpoint bombing will reduce crime in schools. But most citizens apparently aren’t aware their country is at war with itself. Given the difficulty of city life, air strikes are barely noticeable.
To foster literacy, the government is using helicopters to overfly target sectors, dropping poems warning of the evils of poverty. “Real friends don’t need money,” one optimistic slogan states.
With language rapidly gaining the status of a military technology, some form of regulation may be in order in order to lock
away the sun because you need it.
Why have police asked the public to turn in their books?
Easy.
Because language is the most powerful tool in the world. Dissidents and terrorists would be powerless to organize without it.
And it’s a tool you can’t live without.
And that’s why we’re Linguatech, the aggressive young company that patented language. Language can now be licensed exclusively through us. Our English is state-of-the-art, upgraded every year. And we have products to meet every budget, including share-words: this month we’re giving away Esperanto for free.
The art of writing has always been threatened by low overhead. Until now. When you join our exclusive club, you’ll enjoy the benefits of reduced competition. And our language is secure, thanks to encryption. So nobody will read your writing unless they have the key. Because protecting your property, and ours, is important to us.
Our revolutionary business model has attracted its share of critics, who claim that proprietary language is bad for language, that an obsolete tongue with competing dialects is superior to one developed by a handful of professional linguists working in private sessions. But we say: some things are too important to be entrusted to just everybody.
So, if you’re serious about writing, don’t write graffiti. License literacy today. And shut
2004
FORMS USED